Category Archives: You Magnificent Bastard

Thank you Thank you Thank you

501st, Toronto, You Magnificent Bastard 1 Reply

Foto by Glenna Williams Via Facebook

The day came and went without a hitch. I admit I was nervous, this being my first organized event (sort of, ish,) through the 501st andĀ  I didn’t want to besmirch their good name. I was fawning over Katherine, manager of the President’s Choice Cooking School at the Loblaws at Carlton and Church, thanking her every 2 seconds for the use of her room/office.

Katherine was utterly awesome. She didn’t have to give up her office for our duffel bags, or stick around until 4pm on a Sunday to wait until we were back and changed, but she did. She, ladies and gentlemen, is a TROOPER.

Why did I fawn? The YMCA over on Grovesnor, the 519 Community Centre and the support staff at the Toronto District School Board dismissed me with rude indifference when I approached them for loan of a change room for the day – in a couple cases, my emailed rejection responses sounded like the recipients had not bothered to read my initial emails. When Katherine so easily said yes, I was in a bit of shock at how nice she was. I will say that if I ever need use of any of the Y, the 519, or the TDSB, I will think twice. And you should all go enroll in a class at the PC Cooking School (they do Sushi!)!!

In the end, it seems I had no worries at all, thanks largely to the seasoned troopers that had signed up for the event. These guys were on time, ready and entertaining, even after the LONG walk they had to endure in their outfits. I did hear one say that “it wasn’t every day he gets to walk up Yonge Street in full gear” so I think they had a good day!

In the end, we raised over $2300 for ACT. And I thank all of you readers for putting up with my calls for money over the last month.

I felt the day was a bit under-attended in comparison to previous years, but I think it was due to the short rain fall just before the walk. That or people just don’t care much anymore. Global TV was the only news outlet to put the walk on their main, 6pm news while CP24 and CityTV did mention the walk briefly on their mega-everything-gets-largely-ignored-OCD-news-channels. Also, the walk was in direct competition with the Bowel Cancer walk, somewhere else in the city.

Still, the message got out there. I did have to explain to someone why Star Wars characters were at the event. “I’m sure someone out there infected with HIV liked Star Wars,” I said, in creepy past-tense.

Today, I am sore. Like “old guy” kinda sore. I’m not 21 anymore.

Again, to all who helped, my heartfelt thanks.

Garage Sale Update

Toronto, You Magnificent Bastard 3 Replies

The Whore of Tatooine

How did our garage sale go, you ask?

Awesomely! Thanks!

The day started out a bit frantic: most sales were already in full swing at 9am and poor postbear is NOT a morning person at all. Because 90% of the stuff we were selling was donated to us (proceeds to PWA Toronto), unpacking was a bit of a mystery grab bag Xmas fun-time show. When we started to set up at 930ish people were hanging off the front yard fence to get in and if I, or SharkBoy unboxed something cool, we’d let out a girly squeal, prompting the human tide at the gates to swell.

“How much for that … Melamite (?) dish there… the purple one?” a woman asked, leaning across the fence, pointing her sausage-y fingers at a set of plastic plates.

“You mean the Marmite dishes?”

“Yes. Marmite,” she says, confident that I provided her with the correct pronunciation and utterly proving to me she was confusing her knowledge of post-war industrial dishware with Australian yeast-based foodstuffs.

“Oh. It’s Melmac!” I say, laughing in my head.

So it went. The day was not without it’s crazies, like the woman who demanded to see if the rice cooker was working (It was) and made a big fuss because we didn’t have an electrical outlet or the guy disgusted that we asked $3 for 3 DVDs (dude… charity??). However, I missed most of them since I was in my trooper suit drumming up change for my AIDS Walk (go donate!).

Nearer to the middle of the day I was standing out in front of the house drumming up business for our sale, when a sleek Audi pulls up beside me with a child in the back seat. I did my standard “two fingers pointing at my eyes, one finger pointing at the kid” in a pantomimed “I’m watching you” kind of thing. The kid smiled like it was Xmas. The passenger side window rolls down and the driver leans across.

“You the ‘Trooper?”

I resist making a stupid come-back like No, he’s down the street, I’m the space princess. “That’s me!” I say. I was impressed that someone actually read our signs.

He thrusts a couple bills at me – with my limited sight I think it was a $10 and a $5, but I was more surprised than accountant.

At that moment I realized I was leaning into an expensive car to take money from the driver. I felt like a street walker. But I was gobsmacked and happy. To you, sir, THANK YOU!

Later, TomWDart (who took this post’s most excellent picture) came by. His first words to me were “Any excuse to put on the suit, right?” And dubbed me “The Whore of Tatooine” which I think I will get put on a t-shirt sometime in the near future.

In the end, the sale pulled in $500+ and my change-for-photo bucket had $111 in it for my AIDS Walk (go donate!)

A very good day!

Gar-b-age Sale

Queer stuff, Toronto, You Magnificent Bastard 2 Replies

This Saturday (rain day Sunday) postbear, SharkBoy and I are having a garage sale! 90% of the proceeds going to Toronto’s PWA and the other 10% going to my ScotiaBank AIDS walk (have you donated yet? GO!).

Below are two concept posters from our warm fuzzy friend, postbear (clicky go biggie):

And of course, the one we’re going with…

We hope to see you there!


You Magnificent Bastard 2 Replies

I have to say this whole Mars thing has got me in a tizzy!

It’s making me nostagic for the day we landed on the moon. Coincidentally, SharkBoy and I were both swimming with rubber boots on at our respective summer places back in July 20, 1969 (albeit in different provinces at the time) and we were both called in from the water to witness the moon landing on TV.

And now here we are on another planet with HD cameras and lasers! Been a long time coming.

Can you imagine sending this video back in time to NASA and saying “Keep going guys!” We’d have colonies by now.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Personal Bits, You Magnificent Bastard 2 Replies

Miss you loads. Think of you all the time. I hope you’re having a good time wherever you are right now. Probably telling some angel what to do…

My Dad Was Awesome

The Dot and the Line

Art, You Magnificent Bastard 1 Reply

I had this teacher at Sheridan College, back in the 80s, who would teach us a design class as part of the Classical Animation program. He was the text book version of uncool. Not like the fun, goofy other teachers who would show us cartoons in class and make us laugh and try to win us over with comedy. No this guy was a hard ass – all business and hard truths about art. He was trying to teach us that there is structure in the world for a reason and when you learn that structure, then you have license to fuck with it. Like jazz. But with crayons.

At the time I remember hating him more than I can say. His style of teaching was boring and dry. He would often talk over our heads with lofty concepts and angry art rants and would seemingly be wasting our time. Oh the impatience of youth.

One day he requested a drawing from us that required some degree of interest. I can’t remember what I drew but it was all rigid lines and angles. When I showed it to him he asked: “Do you think a straight line is interesting?”

I had never given it any thought.

“If you think a straight line is interesting you’re very boring.”

I had thought about punching him in the face at that moment.

“Go watch The Dot and The Line by Chuck Jones and then tell me if a straight line is interesting.”

It’s possibly the greatest lesson in art I’ve ever got. So much so, his is the only definitive moment I can recall in any class in the three years I was there. Sure I remember my lessons and the results but that moment will always be front and centre, especially when I pick up a pencil to draw.

I’m mad that I spent most of his class in a teen-age apathetic funk. I’d give anything to time-travel back to my old self and tell myself to stop being such an idiot and listen.

Accidental Tourist

Travel, You Magnificent Bastard, You Stupid Dick Leave a reply

Orlando International Airport, 7am. I’m foraging for food for my husband near gate 25 at an “upscale” cafe that serves cinnamon rolls. I’m 3 away from being served.

At the head of the line is a well groomed gentleman, plain clothes, nothing to write home about, who had just ordered a coffee and a danish. He’s told the amount for his purchase and quickly digs into his nicely weathered satchel and produces a can of mixed nuts.

He hands the can to the woman. “You will find the money in here,” he says. Straight faced.

She hesitates. She looks at him. He looks at her. The can in his hand doesn’t waiver. She takes the can. She opens the can.

It’s filled with dimes.

As she dumps and counts, the man places his fingertips on his eyebrows and looks downcast.

In my post-Disney, post-vacation depression, I don’t know if this is annoying or awesome.