Hey fucking neighbours who think it’s ok to have 3-4 friends over at 3 fucking a fucking m on a fucking Monday morning. What. The. Fuck? You may have shift work jobs (how nice for you) but where do you get off thinking it’s party time for the entire apartment building at that hour? Eat hot fuck!

Yo Fucked Weather. Fuck you dismal January. Save it for February and stop being so crappy.

Hey fucktard on the subway sitting across two seats with your bag and big puffy coat during fucking rush hour. Fuck yourself raw.

Hey smoking fuck. Smoke somewhere else. Third moon of Jupiter is good with me. Because no matter what time I venture out onto the sidewalks, I have to walk in your smoke-wake cloud. I hope they make smoking illegal, you inconsiderate twit.

Hey Craigslist troll. Fuck you for responding to my ad by bombarding me with dickless questions that you could have answered yourself by taking two seconds and actually reading the ad. No I won’t knock a couple bucks off it just because you asked. Give me a reason. It’s called negotiation, twit-wit.

Hey Rogers. Oh fuck where do I start? How about FUCK YOU, FLABBY FUCK FUCKERS! Just because you’re greedy and you smell like fuck. Get the fucking iPhone to Canada and stop being circle-jerk groupies.

*burp*

That’s better.

I was reminded of my grade ten drafting teacher, Mr Darling (I think that was his name), when someone bemoaned that everything is done by computers these days. I took his class because I didn’t want to take history or biology and it was another reason to draw, of sorts.

We were jammed in the back of Brockvegas Collegiate Institute, in a dusty shop class, hunched over angled tables. I did pretty good in his class and I enjoyed making technical drawings with their thick and thin lines and crisp lettering. Mr Darling said that I could have a future in tech drawing, but sadly, computers killed that.

Mr Darling was a bit of a joker. He was the kind of teacher that taught with one-liners, flippant puns and laisser faire elan. Of course this kind of teaching doesn’t work on some kids and I remember one guy mumbling under his breath repeatedly during Mr Darling’s classes on how unfunny he was. Obviously, these two were going to butt heads.

A few months into the class, this kid, let’s call him David, decides he’s going to laugh loudly with an edge of fakeness at all of Mr Darling’s jokes. Mr Darling started the class by reminding us on shop safety (we actually never used equipment, it was drawing class, but I do remember him starting the class this way) with a long winded rant about losing appendages and proper maintenance of equipment that blended into a monologue about how his wife never puts the toothpaste cap back on the tube.

All the while, he’s getting more and more angry. We’re looking at each other, wondering if he’s kidding. His rage is palatable and our unease is thick. Mr Darling comes to the end of his rant. His fists are knuckle down on his desk, his eyes are staring past us to the back window.

And David starts to laugh.

Mr Darling is startled out of his zoned out state and asks David if he thought that was funny. Of course! Mr Darling grabs David by the shirt collar and lifts him out of his chair. David continues the laughter. Mr Darling then clamps his big shop-worn leathery hands around David’s throat and drags him from the room. By the throat.

Like the $20 drafting pen I had to get special for that class, I never saw Mr Darling again.

Uhg. I uh… just a sec.

*flush*

I got this bug from my brother-in-law while in Vermont– Sec…

*flush*

…and I have never felt more gross in my life. Not because I have zero energy or desire to live, but because I keep on pooping and washing and pooping.

*flush*

I’m glad it hit me when I got home and not in some embarrassing “drive home” situation or worse yet, at the house we were staying at. I hate being sick away from home.

*flush*

I’m feeling better and rather svelt! I pooped out my entire Xmas indulgences in a period of 24 hours! However, I doubt that I will be hosting/going to any New Years parties.

*flush*

Now I have to get ready for work. Insert cork, get on TTC, etc.

Hi kids! It was robots galore for me this year! I finally got Rock’Em Sock’Em Robots (about 38 yrs late, but very welcome, for sure) as well as the new Blade Runner DVD. Throw in a custom Dead Robot hat and it was a faboo season!

We were all sick when we got to Vermont. I and Sharkboy were on the tail end of a cold, and so was his sister when we arrived. Our brother-in-law managed to pick up some exotic 24 hour bug over Xmas eve that knocked him down hard. Our nephew had a broken hand. Needless to say we didn’t do much but we did have fun.

Pics below. Includes dinner at my brother’s house a few days before going to the US. Enjoy!