This will be my last, I promise. This was too good to resist.
From a site worked on by an applicant via their portfolio:
Monthly Archives: May 2006
I Asked Nicely, Now Hire Me
Still wading through cover letters and resumes for a Jr Designer.
It certainly is an eye opening experience to see some of these “portfolios”. What are teachers at these meat grinding, fly-by-night “media” schools telling these kids? “Oh don’t bother learning HTML, Dreamweaver will fill in the tags for you. And speaking of tags, go ahead and use the font tag all you want. It won’t be delineated for years now. And while you’re at it, make sure the guy you’re trying to impress can’t see a clear picture of your work. Yeah use Flash as much as you can because that’s the future of web design.”
Two things that turn me off in a portfolio: religious references of any kind (Peace and Divinity!) and “arty” pictures of scantily clad women (some wearing the same bikini!) in the bushes at Scarborough Bluffs. You can see in the model’s eyes the dream of being Canada’s Next Top Model but they’re seconds away from an inappropriate suggestion of loosening the straps for a more “real” shot.
And just a quick note about resumes: I don’t read everything on them because I really don’t care if someone worked for Dunkin Donuts ten years ago. I’d rather see 2 year old school work projects than be informed of past horrendous crap jobs that have no relation to the job you’re applying to.
And finally: If you’re going to use a free web hosting company to park your portfolio, please don’t use that company’s free site building template. Especially if you’re applying for designer. Dork.
300 (or If You Look Close You Can See My Airbrushing)
I absolutely loved this Frank Miller comic. Seems it’s in preproduction. Look close at the abs.
Lordy I hope this doesn’t suck. 10 to 1 all the homo references are gone. Hollywood learned its lesson with Alexander.
Plese Hyer mE!
I am wading through resumes for a Jr Web Designer position. Someone I can beat with a stick and make me tea every so often. It’s amazing how many people responded to our ad that specifically asked for an online portfolio and certain skill sets that:
• Didn’t have an online portfolio. A web designer without an online presence is like a TV preacher without a sex scandal.
• Had a portfolio but had dead links in it (guilty!)
• Had no clue how to spell check (guiltyx2)
• Wrote terse, turgid or confusing cover letters. Granted I didn’t look hard at them, just to see if they regurgitated back the requirements listed, but there was one that was three sentences long and a link. Thats all. Nothing like cutting through the treacle.
• Had a portfolio but built the entire thing in Flash. While this wouldn’t be so bad but it hardly showcases your ability to code HTML, xHTML or CSS.
• Didn’t read the ad close enough to realize we were looking for designers with Photoshop, not Developers with C++ language.
After 24 hours of posting the ad to a popular web media job board, we got 15 resumes. 5 of them will be called. I suspect 2 of those 5 are over qualified for what we’re looking for.
Things That Have Enriched my Day, Webbically
Land on Titan with Phillip Glass (via BoingBoing). Why it’s Enriching: Eerie yet beautiful video of the Cassini-Huygens landing. How to Ruin the Moment: When it’s fully loaded, drag the slider back and forth… Landing!! Blast Off!! Landing!! Blast Off!! WEEE!!!
Of the US government snooping on it’s own, William Gibson says “What? This surprises you?” Why it’s Enriching: Gibson could spin a massive global computer virus as cool. I’m loving this scandal as much as as the Manwhore in the Press Gallery scandal. You Americans are WACKY! How to Ruin the Moment: Wake up and realize you’re not watching V For Vendetta. Oddly enough it seems Americans don’t mind losing control over this liberty.
Dainty Bastard’s Pic of the Day a few days back Why it’s Enriching: I love the harsh perspective and structure of the shot. How to Ruin the Moment: Have you ever been under that bridge? The aroma coming off the Don and the smell of pee is nearly unbearable.
Speaking of DB, the new Pugly contestants are up!
Pet Shop Boys (yes! they’re still around!) are releasing a new album and you can hear parts of it on their navigationally challenged site. I’ve heard it the entire album and if you’re even 1/10th a “Pet Head”, you’re going to be very very happy. Why its Enriching: I can’t bloody wait to see the video for “The Sodom and Gomarrah Show” How to Ruin the Moment: did I mention their dumb ass website? And no North American tour dates set yet.
Found this site buried in my favorites at work: Robot Gossip! This guy is in tune with mecca! Why it’s Enriching: Best robot feed I’ve found yet. He has some great photos. How to Ruin the Moment: Blogger site.
And finally, a quote from my RSS: A desk is a dangerous place from which to watch the world. John le Carre
Still with the pee
Shave All of Him
Or you’ll miss the MTM ending. (via Stumble for Firefox)
On Your Knees, Showerboy!
It looked like another low-cal cocktail weenie party in the showers at the Y again this morning. Myself and four other guys were all washing and none of them had the minimum amount of desired body hair for them to blip on my radar. I note that there is a guy in one of the privacy stalls. I start my shower routine.
I turn to rinse my back and notice that the guy in the privacy stall is on all fours, forearms and knees, right on the hard shower floor tiles.
On.
All.
Fours.
Is he praying to Mecca? Is he looking for a contact? Is he ok?
More worrying is the thought: ‘Why aren’t we all reacting to this guy on the floor like that scene in Carrie?’ because no one else seems to be doing anything. Or they’re refusing to see it.
I shoot glances to the other guys. Two are extremely busy voicelessly comparing each other’s dick size that they haven’t noticed Crawly. One is right next to the privacy stall and probably can’t see Crawly from the angle of his eyesight to the bottom of the stall. The last is finishing up quickly so he is avoiding confrontation.
Typical nervous naked guys.
In my head, I am wondering if I should do something. He may very well be praying…
Plup. He goes down to one side and is lying on the tiles.
Oh ok. This isn’t good. Fast Finisher is out the door. The other three still aren’t moving. I’m about to walk over when he rights himself back up into the doggie position and slowly rises up. He draws the curtain back and I can see he’s a toned, healthy (?) guy. He gets shower bench and goes back into the stall.
He seems ok (as well as could be, I guess) and as I’m leaving I pass Fast Finisher informing the locker room attendant about crawly. He’s joking that the guy might be very hung over.
I think he was just having a bad moment with his meds.
Once, a while back, I nearly fainted on the subway. Between Dundas and Queen, the medications I was on decided that it was time to rob my brain of yummy blood. The car was full enough that there wasn’t any seats so I staggered over to a doorway to steady myself. I went pale. I knew I looked like a vampire. I couldn’t keep my eyes open and all I could think was:
“No. Not here. I can’t bear the embarrassment!”
It passed and I was able to get a seat and made it to the office, without further incident.
I felt for that guy on the floor. In one small way I bet he was glad I didn’t come forward with my goolies hanging out, trying to help.
Funtime Pics of Fun Part The Second
Easter pics of family from either side. Enjoy!
Mystery Pee
I am home from my trek to Carbon Gambinos on Queen East and I am still smelling pee from the guy that sat near me on the Eastbound streetcar. That was 35 minutes ago.
I think his peesmell transfered to me somehow.