Canada Doesn’t Deserve the iPhone

iPhone, Tech

What? I hear you say.

I’m dead serious. If the two main sites that report on iPhone news, applications and gadgets are to be the harbinger of the coming of the iPhone in the Great White North, then we can expect the news to be mis-informed and at least 24 hours too late.

Lets start with iPhoneworld.ca: other than the debilitating ads that clog it’s loading, or the mystery meat navigation, it’s fairly good. But slow on the reporting. Hackint0sh, TUAW and Gizmodo trump this site by hours (in some cases days). Let’s face it, the only thing this site will be good for is when Rogers announces the arrival of the phone and then it will wonder what to talk about next. But what made me cancel my RSS feed to it was their utterly lame attempt to get Rogers and Apple to shake hands: The “Great” Canadian iPhone Petition (quotes mine).

Very noble! That will make Rogers stand up and say “Hey! There are some disgruntle customers out there! We should do something about it!” I’ll stop with the sarcasm from here on in, you get my drift. But here’s the thing that made me pass morning tea through my nose:

We, the undersigned, pledge our support to Rogers Communications Inc., that we would support the launch of the iPhone in Canada.

Whiskey? Tango? Foxtrot? They want us to support a company that is going to monopolize this product with high connection costs? Uh… for how long? Forever? I’ll be honest, when (if?) Rogers brings the iPhone to Canada I’ll buy into their plan only because it’s the only kid on the block. As soon as someone else comes along: Sayonara! Pledging support to a company blindly is a bit too creepy for me. Sign me out. Expected signatures: 100,000. Since inception (March 28th): 790. Good luck with that.

And then there’s iPhoneinCanada.ca. Arguably a better site with product/accessory reviews but with the same amount of slow loading ads. Again, nothing really new here that hasn’t been scooped from the other Apple/iPhone sites, other than cases you can’t get in Canada unless you order them online. Worrisome were the reviews and links to “All-you-can-eat” download sites that I am pretty sure are hosting unlicensed media. Regardless, I hung out on the forums for a couple weeks and was really starting to get a sense of community until one of the moderators started to wildly recommend Ziphone blindly to all who would ask what was the best way to jailbreak, unlock, activate your phone.

Obviously he wasn’t doing his homework.

I mean, sure it works. But what is it doing to your iPhone?

When I asked if he had researched what exactly Ziphone does, he accused me of being biased towards a particular software. His final word on the matter was that the forum was there to offer many different solutions to unlocking your phone and that readers would have to make their own decisions.

So I decided that I wanted to be a part of something more informed and based on solid opinion, and I deleted that RSS feed too.

So I’m hoping that any Canadian who has an iPhone or is going to purchase one, has a little more sense to blindly trust these sites. My advice: Google deeper.

Another for Rick Mercer

Celebs and Media, Hobbies

I’ve totally ripped this one off SharkBoy.

An office hallway. An upper twenties, well dressed man in business casual is walking towards us when he suddenly looks into a boardroom, just to his right.

Over-the-shoulder shot of him looking into the boardroom. Donuts and danishes are tantilizingly laid out on a tray.

Hallway shot again. Two well dressed, upper twenties women join the man.

Man: (flamboyantly) I’m going in!

He takes out a small brown bottle, unscrews the lid and inhales hard from it, while plugging one nostril.

Man: Woooo!

He dances into the boardroom, arms waving.

The two women take out Special K snacks and lazily munch from the pouches. Over-the-shoulder shot from the women as they watch the man in the boardroom. He’s got his shirt off and is gyrating around the table, rubbing danishes on his nipples. The thumping of techno music can be heard coming from the room.

Announcer: Special K! It’s not just for lonely secretaries who’s only male contact is that gay guy in accounting, anymore!

Trap and Release

Work

This story from The New Yorker (via BoingBoing) has me flabbergasted:

41 hours trapped in an elevator (security cam video here at 40 times the normal speed).

The story is interspersed with interesting elevator facts but the core of it had me rapt: this poor sap was stranded with just Rollaids and cigarettes for comfort. The elevator died on a Friday night and 8 security guard shifts came and went before he was found on Sunday afternoon, even though he’s visible on the security cams.

Poor sap sued the building management and got an out-of-court settlement, but hasn’t been able to find work since.

Future Perfect

General

It’s 2020, April 14th. A fine spring day.

I exit the patio doors with a tray of meat in my hands and as the UV coated doors close effortlessly yet quickly behind me, my clothes lighten to accommodate the sunlight. My glasses extend to cover the sides of my eyes, sealing them in.

I stop and look across the city of Montreal from our partially-obscured back yard. If I stand on my toes I can see the top of the Place Ville-Marie and if I scoot to the right of SharkBoy’s garden (carefully avoiding the crocuses) I can see the river. Of course I can see the Rogers Tower, looming 89 floors over the city, it’s Red circle logo in high def LEDs casting a slight pink glow on all of us, even in broad daylight.

George Hamilton comes wearily out of the cat door. “Meh!” he croaks at me as if I walked away from him while he was talking. After 13 years he’s still not able to be left alone for long. He approaches the flowers and gets a mild shock from his RIDF subdermal chip for even thinking of nibbling on them. “Meh.” he mutters and settles into the grass.

The BBQ senses my approach and lights itself. The grill is hot within 30 seconds and I drop the meat on it with a flourish. It will use up some of our house battery reserves but it’s a great day and the fresh chicken I manage to procure from the black market is well worth the expense. I carefully start the carbon filter so the neighbours can’t smell the cooking chicken. If they even remember what real cooking chicken smells like.

My iPhone wakes up. “Ted? Call from your sister. No subject line.”

“Accept.” The screen comes to life and she’s wearing a pirate hat, eye patch and a stripey shirt – very in vogue for her line of work. “Nice new privacy avatar!” I say. I can’t afford one and she’s seeing me as I am. We talk 15 minutes about the housing development she just sold over the long forgotten tar sands in Calgary.

The BBQ interrupts us: “Turn, please.” Christ! The meat! And the table isn’t set yet, either.

“Where’s your father?” I ask George Hamilton.

“Meh,” he meows. His collar flashes “I don’t understand the question?”

I can see SharkBoy on the couch through the darkened windows. He’s on the antiquated Wii still trying to get through Lara Croft Anniversary. Bless his heart.

A New Day For This Poor Sap

iPhone, Work

This morning I rushed an email ad out the door without amending the subject line. Our clients were treated to a “Fantastic Africa!” tag but opening the email they found Asia destinations. Owch! I blame Monday.

Having done this, I certainly can feel the pain of the graphic designer who inserted an image of a jailbroken iPod Touch into a national ad campaign for Radio Shack (via Engadget). You can tell it’s hacked – it has the Installer app and Mobile Chat icons on the Springboard. I have a sinking feeling that the poor sap behind the Mac had to get this flyer out the door with minimal assistance from the art director and was forced to take a picture of his own iPod to cut corners. I’m also assuming that he was low man on the totem pole and nobody checked his work that hard.

I’m also assuming he’s at home right now assessing his portfolio.