Interjections

Distractions

What would good dramatic movie lines be like if they had a fey-like comedic interjection, much like Stephen Stucker’s character, Johnny, from the movie Airplane!

I think it would go something like this… doodley doo doodely doo doodley doo…

300

Leonidas: Spartans! Eat hearty your breakfast! For tonight! We! Dine! In! Hell!
Johnny: Are we going to Olive Garden?!

Babel

Richard: [To other tourists.] You leave, I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you!
Johnny: Oh sister! You couldn’t kill Britney Spears’ career!

Children of Men

Theodore Faron: I can’t really remember when I last had any hope, and I certainly can’t remember when anyone else did either. Because really, since women stopped being able to have babies, what’s left to hope for?
Johnny: Oh honey, ditch the skirts. I’ll show you life after labia.

Sophie’s Choice

Sophie: When you live a good life, like a saint, and then you die.
Johnny: Oh lord! You sound just like my mother! God rest her glue huffing soul!

Planet of the Apes (1968)

George Taylor: Doctor, I’d like to kiss you goodbye.
Dr. Zira: All right, but you’re so damned ugly.
Johnny: Excuse me Miss 6 O’clock shadow? You’re no prize either.

Just Resting, Thanks

Queer stuff, Toronto

I just saw an ad for Steamworks “Gym” on the subway. I airquote Gym because it’s main money draw is its gay sex bath house area (private rooms, steam room, showers etc), not it’s gym facilities. Maybe they’re trying to change their image? Maybe I’m getting old and conservative but I thought it weirdly inappropriate.
The ad boasted images of unobtainable male bodies and fancy schmancy plumbing fixtures (’cause that’s the number one thing I look for in a gym) and it gives the old sex club an aura of respectability, for a gym. But The Steamworks is as much a gym as Rick Mercer is a politician. The ad made me wonder if the guy in charge of marketing was on Tina and poppers when he came up with the idea to advertise on the subway.

I’m all for equal opportunity ads but I don’t see a lot of ads for straight sex clubs on the Teet.

Hello! We Are a Bunch of Dicks!

General

We are a bunch of baby eating drooling morons, here at Articles-world.info! We like to compromise our mothers with abandon and we enjoy filming it for youtube, too! Visit us today!

At Articles-world.info, your content is our Google ranking! So why not spend some of your special time and give us stuff so that we can claim H4xoR l33t status! We can’t be caught because we’re using the latest in blog software! Yay us!

Did we mention we like to have sexy time with our dogs? Arf!

Dr Hockey Scholarship

Toronto

My local video store, 6:30, Thursday night.  Enter a woman with a stern face.

“I had to come tell you this. I found out more about our Doctor,” she says, without greeting, to the clerk.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I am livid! I found out–” voice goes down, thankfully I can still hear, “–he went to the US to study medicine… on a hockey scholarship!”

“No!”

“Yeah! I am going to a lawyer on Monday. I am in agony! I can’t keep anything in my mouth!”

“It doesn’t look too bad.”

“It’s inter-muscular. They say there’s nothing I can do except wait it out.”

Out of politeness, I’m not looking. I want to look. I must not look. She’s tempting me to look…

“It’s here, here… here…”

I’M NOT LOOKING.

“…And here.”

“Well it’s not that bad. It looks like mild Chicken Pox,” the clerk laughs.

“Thanks. Hey do you have that movie with Bill Murray as a soldier?”

The Poetry

Distractions

I’ve had these poems floating around my head for a few days now. Please, gentle readers, enjoy their imagery and beautious serenity*:

Saturday Night

The clamps! Just on
my areola
just there is the
power on? Not
yet I’m not ready

Okay.

Go.

Ohjesusnoturnitofffuckowowowow
Imeanitturnitoffnowitfuckinghurts
safewordIdon’trememberjustdoit
Ifuckingmeanitturnitoffnowfucker

oh

ow.

do it again.

____________

Starseed

See the truth as it shines across our memory
it glows green and

blue

I am before you
a mystical mage

The sun behind my head
defining my age

An empty stage
engage!

Our thing we share
I have it on tape.
I play it back at old technoparties

You’re glowing.

__________

P2P in this day and age

If your face was the internet

I’d be guilty of file swapping

our love

Via Russian servers.

Suck it RIAA!

 

 

 

*Before you go all “Holy shit, Ted! That sucked more ass than a gay German porn star.” yes, it’s a joke.

Akismet Hits 10K

Tech, Toronto

Akismet (and Spam Karma) have collectively caught over 15,000 comment and trackback spams since I’ve installed it last year. I missed the exact milestone due to an attack from Abu Dhabi on Monday morning where someone from that part of the world thought it brilliant to announce to the world that his new blog about hacking was available. On a Google Blogger account, no less.

That’s pretty l33t, buddy!

Regardless, we here at Dead Robot dot Com would like to assure you that your reading of trivial fluff pieces will continue to be uninterrupted on this, the day that the city of York in Upper Canada was incorporated as Toronto.

The CN Tower Takes Toronto Hostage

Toronto

Icy TowerNext on Fox: When Buildings Bite Back!

I’m loving how CityTV is fearmongrelling this story. Yes, a sheet of 4ft x 4ft ice falling from the Skydeck would be dangerous but the way they’re reporting it, the Tower has become a knife weilding crazy person holding the city hostage. Best line from a reporter about falling ice in general: “If you’re downtown today, keep aware of tall buildings!” Thanks.

You know, if we had a Superman, they’d just fly up there and melt the ice with their eyes. Or a Spiderman would just “fzulpptptt!” the falling pieces with his web goo. Or if we had a Wonder Woman, she could deflect the falling bits with her wrists. Alas, this city is heroless.